Wednesday, 10 February 2010

DON'T be a retard

Spent the entire day on a moped the other day without so much as a scratch, then once we got off I managed to gash my chin open faceplanting a waterfall.

Totally ruined this lovely Thai couple's picnic who had to run around scooping up this idiot foreigner who'd just gone sailing past them on her arse. This was followed by a walk of shame having to go back down the hill with completely wet trousers and my chin hanging open, doing the obligatory smile and nod ('yes, yes, I really am that stupid') while people pointed and gasped, or in many cases actually came up and asked me what on earth I had done to myself- the Thais aren't exactly reserved.

I now have an attractive scab and enormous purple creation on my chin, which attracts even MORE stares from frightened locals on the street every day. Have resorted to trying to plaster it in concealer to avoid scaring people too much. Common sense was unfortunately not something I was blessed with.

DO eat something rank (part 1)

Courtesy of the lovely Miss Booker (thanks for this sweetie) was a request to eat the most disgusting thing I could find while I was out here. So here it is: deep fried grasshopper. Oh yes people, head, legs and all I scranned the lot. Kinda tasted like pork crackling. I have to admit I got used to it and actually ate another one a few hours later too. Maybe I'm on to something here...

Stay tuned for more weird and wonderful garbage that I can find to put down my gob.

Friday, 5 February 2010

DO agree to totally random stuff

Just did the Miss International Flower Bloom pageant for Chiang Mai flower festival last night. By far the most bizarre thing I have ever done.

Four of us got collared by the woman at our guesthouse to enter and agreed just out of the sheer randomness of it. The whole thing was so surreal- we got all dressed up in traditional Thai dress, hair and makeup, then after getting an actual police convoy to the festival we had to walk through rows and rows of spectators waving and taking pictures of us all.

The Thai round of the contest was beautifully choreographed with all the contestants graceful and absolutely immaculate.... then enter us. We were blatently the evening's entertainment- we had to introduce ourselves and then perform a 'talent' (I use the term very loosely) that we had mostly had less than a day to prepare. There was truly the good, the bad and the ugly- everything from synchronised skipping to a football commentary (in my own case doing poi to the can-can song- I can imagine the faces).

Needless to say none of us made the final three with our ridiculous attempts at a performance, but it was some experience alright.

DON'T get a Changover

Bad times.

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

DO find a Thai disco

We got taken to one by a lovely Thai girl which was hidden on the top floor of a nondescript looking car park. Wicked fun. More ladyboys than you can shake a stick at, Samsong flowing freely and belting karaoke covers of all the Thai classics (whatever they are).

Despite all this, as a bunch of foreigners we were apparently the main attraction- they pulled us tables together in a prime spot, kept offering us drinks and everybody in the place wanted to dance with us. We left about 4am exhausted but grinning.

If you can find it, do it.

DO expect to meet a few crazies

Fun as it is staying around the Khao San Road area of Bangkok (we're actually on Soi Rambutri, a nice little side street), there is no shortage of utter space cadets round here.

Case in point: crazy Austrian guy on god-knows-what who minced over and started chatting utter gibberish about his wife in the Phillipines (fair enough, you say, only the guy was about as straight as a roundabout). After being told where to go by our large Swedish friend for trying to stroke his tattoos, he flounced off only to re-appear two hours later minus all of his belongings, do three laps of the bar then bail in full view of everyone and have to be removed by the management. Last we heard he had started on the owner of a guesthouse down the road and was spending the night in a Thai prison. Some hangover that's gonna be...